Snakes on the Pavement
- or F***, WTF did that F***ing snake go?????
[Scene 1]
Unsuspecting Woman (U.W.) enters garage while whistling a little ditty. U.W. hits the button for the garage door. Theme from "Jaws" starts playing. U.W. walks toward the car while door slowly rises. Music nears crescendo. A dozing 3 foot rattlesnake is suddenly visible......
Snake: "hmmm....wha...?
U.W.: "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!"
THUMP!!! (Bags drop to the ground)
Snake: "hisssssss hi-hisssssssssssss"
U.W.: "F***!!!!!!"
Snake: "HISSSSS!!!!
U.W hoofs it around the front of the car, opens the driver side door. AND DROPS HER KEYS.
U.W.: "Shite"
Snake: "Hiss hiss?"
U.W. cautiously looks around, bends down and quickly retrieves keys.
WHAM!!
U.W. hits head against door jam of car.
U.W.: "F***etty-f***!!
Snake: "Hisssssss rattle and hisss"
[Scene 2]
U.W. finally manages to get inside the car, close the door and start the engine. U.W. puts the car in reverse and backs out of the garage and over the snake. U.W. is now Jubilant Woman (J.W.).
J.W.: "YEAH!!! Bite me, you F***ing snake!"
J.W. exits the car to admire The-Blob-Formerly-Known-As-Snake.
J.W.: "Huh? Where did the f***ing snake go???"
Camera pans out, no snake visible.
[The End]
How's that for a wake up? I apologize for the expletives. They are, however, a true reflection of my emotions at the time.
posted by Ellen @ 4:30 PM
2 Comments:
Ack! I'm glad you (and your critters) are okay. I have an irrational fear of snakes and tend to freeze when I see one.
LOL, is it stuck to the underside of your car?? Where DID the snake go?! I hear rattles make wonderful toys, you should really find it.
Haven't seen a rattler in my yard yet, but with the cooler weather some rather fat garters have taken up home again in the greenhouse. They surprise the heck outta me every time. They used to hang out in the crevices of a little retaining wall by the house, but the greenhouse is much moister and warmer and they like it :)
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